Final Parody 7:Emo Cloud & his Spazztastic Friends
by nekoninja123
Summary: Cloud is just one of the many emos that live in Midgar. Tifa, who's a spazz, runs a bar that a group called the ADD Squad holds meetings at. His life changes when he meets a girl, Aeris, who seems to have ADD.


Chapter 1- Meet the ADD Squad

Disclaimer: I don't own FF7, or anyone in it, Squall from FF8, the Grudge, or "I like your hair" by Scotty Vaity(sp?) or Captain Planet, Resident evil 4, Jing, King of Bandits, Bleach, Space Cowboy, Cowboy Bebop, Outlaw Star, Naruto

No this is not going to be one of those stories where it's a crossover of like 10 different Animes. Why did I list disclaimers for all of those Animes then? Well the story mentions them. I thought I'd mention them just in case.

There was a blond, spiky haired punk sitting in a corner on the train.

"Come on! Barret yelled as he jumped off the train. "Lets so shoot somethin'!"

"I'll probably just mess you up," Cloud said. "Then someone will die. Then I'll cut myself."

"ADD TEAM ASSEMB- Look at the size of his sword!" Wedge yelled, pointing to Cloud's sword. Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie gathered around Cloud.

"SHH! Keep it dow'! You wanna get caught?" Barret hushed. "Never shoulda hired that team. A little ADD, huh?"

"But his sword-" Jessie said, reaching out to touch it.

"It's so shinny!" Biggs proclaimed.

"Here! Take your Ritalin," Barret threw a bottle with a childproof cap at the group.

"CANDY!" They yelled. Jessie grabbed the bottle.

"Finally. Maybe we can mov-" Barret was cut off by a cry.

"I can't open the candy!" Jessie cried.

Barret sighed. He took the bottle and opened it. He dumped the meds on the ground. The ADD squad dove for them.

"Whoa pretty colors…" Biggs moaned.

"Yeah, Yeah, now follow the pretty colors…" Barret said as he started walking.

"Pretty color man!" Jessie yelled as she clung to Barret.

"Oh wha' the- Fine whatever!" Barret said running ahead, Jessie still clinging.

A few Emo Shinra troopers showed up.

"You wanna piece of me!?" Barret yelled as he shot at them, then ran on.

Cloud knelt by the bodies. "I LET SOMEONE DIE AGAIN!?" He cried.

"COME ON!" Barret yelled.

"I though emos were are enemies..." Biggs asked. Biggs was a werewolf...

"It's really rare to find an emo like Cloud, especially in an ADD- OMG A PENNY!" Jessie yelled, diving for it. Jessie may have not looked like it but he was a Vampire.

"Keep ya minds on the job!" Barret said.

"It's rare to find emos at all. Dunno why, with the sad shape Midgar is in.. Emo corners everywhere," Weggs commented. Wedge was a dragon, but he had disguised himself as a human.

"Emos are so cool!" Jessie said.

"What's your name?" Biggs asked.

"Cloud," Cloud answered .

"We're the ADD Squad! Jessie, Biggs, and-" Weggs was cut off by Cloud's cry.

"I don't care 'bout your names! You'll probably die, too!"

"What are ya doin'!? Movin' in a group ya idiots!" Barret yelled at the ADD Squad who decided to split up at that moment. "Easier ta get shot! And I'm the one who 'ill be doin' the shootin'! Meet at the front of the North Mako reactor to blow it up!" he looked at Cloud, who was sulking in a corner. "Emo, huh? Don't trust ya!"

"LOL!" Cloud said, getting up from his emo corner and running over to Barret.

"Okay, now I really don' trust ya! You unstable, man! All you emos unstable!Ya on some meds, ain't ya?"

"Anti-depressants. They make me have happy moments. My happy place is dark and full of razors."

Barret just stepped away from Cloud. _He one crazy emo!_

"WOO!! Go Cloud the emo!" Wedge yelled when they got to the bridge.

"Shud up you idiot!" Barret yelled. "Come on Emo Boy. You comin' with me! We gonna blow this reactor sky high. This your first time in a reactor?"

"No, I've been in one to cut myself!" Cloud replied.

"People use Mako energy. It's easy to blow up if ya know how! Ya just gotta shoot it. It's the blood of the planet! Shinra suckin' it all up. The planet will die in a fiery explosion if we don't do anythin'. As much as I love fiery explosions, we can't let that happen."

"Lectures make me go emo! Let's go!"

"That's it ya comin' with me!"

"What out, he might shoot you!" Biggs said, opening one of the door, then having Jessie opening the next one.

"I wonder how many people ate cream cheese today..." Biggs wondered.

"OMG! Pretty lights!" Jessie said, staring at the lights in the elevator.

"Little by little the reactors will drain the planet and then the planet will explode!" Barret explained.

"I don't care... I'd probably kill the planet anyway."

"The planet is diein', Cloud!"

"The only thing I care about is cutting in one of the many emo corners in this place and avoiding the Roboguards. They take my razors away." Cloud walked out of the elevator and saw an emo corner. He stood in the elevator and stared for a second then screamed, "The perfect emo corner!"

Barret just shook his head and ushered Cloud out of the elevator.

"This place is full of wondrous emo corners! It's an emo's paradise!" Cloud sang as he danced down a dimly lit hallway. As Cloud sang and danced right though the door, then tripped over a huge rusted hole in the ledge. Jessie laughed and Cloud looked emo.

"Come on, Cloud!" Jessie yelled. "Let's go down this unsafe and rusty latter!"

"Okay!"

"Look, Cloud!" Jessie yelled. "Another unsafe and rusty latter!"

"Can I cut myself with it?"

"Only if you've had a Tetanus shot!"

Cloud jumped fifteen feet in the air in order to get to a latter that was two feet away.

"We gonna blow this place sky high! Set the bomb emo boy!" Barret commanded Cloud, when the reached the generator.

"I'll probably get us all blown up..." Cloud said.

"Gettin' blown up is fun! How do ya think I lost my arm?"

"Cutting?"

"I'm not emo like you. Now set the bomb and watch this place blow sky high!"

Cloud went into an emo flashback, but shook it off.

"Wha wrong?"

"Nothing... Just an emo moment." Cloud set the bomb and an alarm went off. A Scrpobot jumped out of nowhere an attacked. Cloud took out his Giant Emo Blade. He used his emo powers and Barret shot it like 50 times and it was soon defeated. As Cloud was running he noticed Jessie.

"Jessie? Did you find a nice emo corner, too?" Cloud ran over to him.

"I saw something shiny, but when I went to get it my leg got stuck," Jessie said. Cloud pulled Jessie's leg out.

"Can't have you die on us!"

"Wouldn't want you to go even more emo if that's possible!"

"Yeah!"

So Cloud, and the ADD Squad ran out of the reactor and watched it explode from a distance.

"It's beautiful!" Barret cried.

"Oh, pretty fireworks!" Jessie stated, staring at the explosion.

"That should keep my cookies safe for a while..." Biggs smiled.

"You have cookies?" Jessie asked.

"No..."

"Where?!" Wedge asked.

"Tell us!" Jessie yelled.

"Never! They're _my_ cookies!" Biggs said, running off, Wedge and Jessie, close behind.

"Hey meet at da train!" Barret yelled after them.

Cloud was following the ADD squad, who happened to ahead of him, when he ran into some ganstas. They were picking on a girl gathering flowers.

"These flowers are so ugly!" one of the wanna-be-ganstas said, knocking the girl down. She got back up, just as Cloud came along.  
"Leave her alone!" Cloud yelled.

"What are ya gonna do about it?" a gansta' asked.

Cloud pulled out his Giant Razor Blade and the ganstas backed up.

"Would you like to buy a flower?" Aeris asked, obviously completely oblivious to the fact that one of the reactors had blow up, even though all of Midgar had heard it. She was also oblivious to the fact Cloud had come from the same direction as said reactor.

"You don't see flowers around here. It makes me emo."

"Yeah, I like pretty things. They're only a gil."

Cloud decided to buy some flowers. He like flowers. They were pretty.

Aeris was overjoyed. "OMG THANK YOU!" She then ran off, detracted by something in the opposite direction of Cloud. That's when some of the Emo Shinra troopers showed up, surrounding Cloud. The train passed right under the bridge Cloud was standing on. He used is uber Emo skillz to jump on the top of the train without falling off, or missing it.

"Cloud never came!" Wedge cried, going emo.

"Maybe he died. I gave him cream cheese. He could have been lack-toast-and-tolerant..." Biggs stupidly reasoned.

"But who doesn't like toast?" Jessie asked.

"No way! Emo boy know's I'll shoot him if he dies!" Barret said.

"Cloud the emo..." Jessie said as a thumping sound was heard.

"Do you think Cloud likes tacos?" Biggs wondered as the thumping was heard again.

"Like I know!" Barret yelled. "I don't keep track of everyone's diet!" The thumping got louder.

"OH NO! It's the mother! She wants to kill us!" Jessie screamed.

"I knew we shouldn't have watch'd The Grudge last night..." Barret mumbled, opening the door to the train.

"DON'T KILL ME MOTHER GHOST THING!" Jessie screamed, as Biggs and Wegde said, "Cloud!"

"Emo boy? I thought ya weren't gonna show," Barret told Cloud.

"Sorry I'm late. I found this really nice emo corner so I stopped to cut myself in it!" Cloud said, way to happy for an emo.

"Ya had us worried..." Barret grumbled.

"I thought the cream cheese was gonna spoil!" Jessie cried.

"I thought you were lack-toast -and-tolerant!" Wegde yelled.

"You were worried?" Cloud asked. "I feel loved."

"Wha?" Barret sighed. He did not like ADD.

"YAY I'M LOVED!" Cloud said glomping Barret.

"Get' off me ya emo kid... We movin' out!"

"I hope you like the cream cheese we gave you!" Wedge said.

"Well have to give you funnel cake next time!" Biggs proclaimed.

"Cloud, I like your hair. Who does your hair? I wanna go there." Jessie stated. Then everyone moved out of the cargo hold and on to the passenger car.

"I hate the last train," a man with a very French accent said, running out of the car.

"There are I'd scans set up along the train tracks. We look suspicious so we're using fake ID's..." Jessie whispered. "Barret is the merchant from Resident evil 4, I'm a bandit like in Jing, King of Bandits, You're a Soul Reaper like in Bleach, Biggs is a Space Cowboy like in Cowboy Bebop, or maybe it was Outlaw Star... Oh and Wedge is Ninja like in Naruto!" Red lights started to flash. "That's the ID check. You never know what kind of _lessers _will show up. Of coarse if the lights go out, then the Vampires might come out!"

"Hey, we're almost back, so get ready to depart!" Wedge yelled.

"Easy for you to say, you have dragon wings!" Biggs replied.

"Well it's not like Vampires and Werewolfs can't jump off a train without dieing."

"Yeah, but it would be so much easier to have wings."

"Hey shud up back there! No body need ta hear ya talkin' 'bout Vampires and Dragons and Wings and Werewolfs. Swear' sometimes I think they want to be found. This city ain't got no day or night, so Vampires are safe from sunlight at least. Shinra is part of the Lessoning Society."

"Lessoning Society?"

"They're a group of Vampire Hunters called _lessers_. It more complicated than it sounds, a'n I don't feel like explainin'. Of coarse they seem to hate anyone who opposes them or is anythin' but human."

"If that plate wasn't there we could see the sky..." Biggs was staring out the window.

"A floating city... Pretty unsettling scenery. I like it!" Cloud.

"That was predictable," Barret said.

"The upper world . A city on a plate..."

"Who needs it? I hate sunlight!" Jessie yelled.

"Yeah, people are sufferin' 'cuz of them!" Biggs agreed.

"&# pizza!" Wedge added, randomly. Flames came out of his mouth almost burning down the train.

"And the city bellow is filled with polluted air," Barred said.  
"And you can't seem the moon," Biggs added "Although I can control when I turn into a wolf."

"All those reacters are drainin' the energy of the planet! We need to blow them up!"

"I don't see why you would want to move into the sun?" Jessie wondered.

"Well those who want to move into the sun could," Cloud stated.

"We dirt poor here! You can't ju't be movin' out of you hood, no madda how bad it gets! It home, dwog!" Barret spoke like a true gansta'. Even though he's more trigger happy than gangsta' pimp.

"Hey!" Barret yelled at the author.

...I am so not making this another one of my 'characters talk to the author' fic.

"What's with the gansta' talk?"

"My grandaddy was a gansta' and his son was a pimp!"

"No one wants to live in the slums."

"This ain't no slums! This the ghetto, homie dowgs!"

"Whatever! No one wants to live in the slums/ghetto. Unless you're emo. There can't be that many emos here! It's like this train., it can only run where the rail takes it."

"Why do emos have to be so deep."

"Unless you jump off the train," a girl cut in, flashing her fangs.

"Oh..." Jessie gasp, then ran up to the girl and started talk to her.

"WTF?" Cloud asked.

"When Jessie finds another Vampire he talks to them," Biggs explained. The train stopped and everyone got out.

"I got her number!" Jessie yelled. "She said to call if we ever need help! She's a fire user like her brother! Her name is Nhight!"

"This mission was a succsses lotsa stuff was blown up! But don't get lazy now! We have lotsa stuff to get blown up! Dob't be scared of the explosion! But the hard part is yet to come. Next one will be bigger. Done wit' this pep talk," Barret was overly happy about the whole thing.

"Barret and his trigger happiness," Biggs sighed.

"That man loves to blow stuff up," Wedge stated.

Barret and the rest of the ADD Squad went over to Tifa's restaurant. Barret kicked everyone out shooting off his gun. As Cloud walked up to the restaurant he heard people's chatter.

"Didja hear? Mako reacter was blow up!"

"I was just enjoyin' my meal when some crazy man came and started shootin' up the place!"

"Papa!" Marlene ran over to Barret

"BARRET! You shot holes in the roof!" Tifa yelled.

"I had to get them outta here!" Barret explained.

"We were just like Captain Planet!" Jessie was telling Tifa.

"That's great..." Tifa said, twitching at the mental image of Jessie in a Captain Planet costume.

"Captain Planet! He's a hero! He's gonna take pollution down to zero!" Biggs sang, as he crashed though the door.

Cloud went emo when he heard this.

"You hate Captain Planet, too?" Jessie said, seeing Cloud's emoness.

"LOL WEDGE's AS GOT CAUGHT ON FIE!" Biggs said.

"Fie?" Cloud asked. "You mean fire?"

"Whatever."

"FIX MY DOOR B!TCH!" Tifa yelled, kicking Biggs.

"What?" Biggs asked looking confused.

"YOU CRASHED THOUGH MY DOOR! FIX IT!" Tifa yelled, throwing tools at him.

"YES MA'AM!"

"GUESS WHAT CLOUD!?" Jessie screamed in Cloud's ear.

"What?" Cloud asked, in his emoest voice yet.

"This'll make you laugh. Wedge got his as set on fire when the reactor exploded."

Tifa pointed and laughed, and Cloud become emo...um... emoer.

"I'M EMO! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!" Cloud yelled running off to his emo corner.

Marlene peeked out from around the corner.

"Hey Marlene why don't you go say hi to Cloud. It might make him un-emo," Tifa smiled.

"Welcome home Cloud! Your mission looks like it went well. Did you cut yourself?" Marlene asked.

"Yea- I mean- Uh- Geography?" Cloud answered.

"You did cut yourself didn't you?" Tifa asked.

"I'm sorry! You should have seen it. Emo's paradise. I'm almost sorry I blew up it!"

Tifa noticed Cloud was holding something. "Flowers?"

"I didn't kill them!"

"Good job..."

"They're for you!"

"T-thank you! You shouldn't have!"

"Really?" Cloud gave an emo look.

"It's just an expression."

"Okay!"

"You took your medication, didn't you?"

"Yeah, it should wear off in a half hour!"

"We should fill the store with flowers! Wouldn't that be pretty, Tifa?" Marlene smiled.

"Tifa's drinks and food are so good, Cloud. Of coarse I'm a dragon so I hafta eat a lot," Wedge explained.

"Have a drink Cloud!" Biggs yelled.  
"Emos don't drink," Cloud replied.

"Barret are you okay? You looked pissed," Tifa noticed.

"Yeah, notice me after emo boy ove' there," Barret sounded slightly pissed.

"You know how he is. He'll cut himself if I don't notice him."

"He'll cut himself even if ya do notice him. Who gave ya the flowers?"

"Cloud. We're going to fill the shop with flowers!" Tifa had a dreamy look on her face.

"M'kay you do that. Meeting!"

"Bring back flowers!" Tifa yelled after Barret. "Cloud are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?" Cloud answered.

"You've been cutting."

"I always cut!" Cloud stated, running down to the meeting.

A/N: Nhight is a Vampire in my friend's and I Black Dagger Brotherhood fics.


End file.
